The Alpha Blonde

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This article was written on 26 Oct 2014, and is filled under Check In, family, parenting.

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The first month

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The first month slips by in such a strange way. So much time is spent just like this, pinned down in place by someone who doesn’t even weigh 8lbs.

I know I’ve experienced a first-month two times before, but my memory of it is gone, wiped clean. Sometimes it will flash as Dorothy makes a certain sound, moves her hands in a specific way that recalls those sleepy, dreamy first weeks with Mollie and Cary, but mostly, there’s a big blank space there when I try to remember.

It’s a pity, these sleep deprived times are so sweet, the four deep breaths and then the deep sleep on my chest. The eyes-closed nuzzling at my breast when she startles awake- more for comfort than food. How, at only two weeks, she seems to be ancient, someone who has never not been part of my life.

I’ve made peace with the fact that in less than five years I will probably forget the worried way her hands find each other when she’s hungry, or the serene look on her face as the warm water spills over her hair- she loves having her hair washed, just a running faucet is enough to stop her crying. I know that these aren’t my memories to keep, not in this mentally-exhausted dream state.

But still, it is a pity. These are the loveliest days.

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