The Alpha Blonde

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This article was written on 24 Feb 2014, and is filled under body image, Check In, family, parenting, self image.

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How to ask a woman if she is pregnant.

Don’t.
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Don’t act cute and say “hmm” when a woman of childbearing age says she was up all night vomiting.

Don’t try to pre-empt a big announcement.

Don’t assume she’s a knucklehead with no knowledge of her own cycles and suggest that it might be the cause.

Because she might not be pregnant. She might have a stomach virus, be moody because of stress at work, have weight gain or fatigue due to any number of medical conditions or life circumstances that you may not know about. She may have spent almost a year trying to get pregnant only to discover she can’t. She may have a partner who is unable to get her pregnant. She may not have any desire to become pregnant.

Don’t try and pry it out if her.

Don’t assume this is the way she wants the world to learn of her pregnancy.

Because she might be pregnant. She might be living every day of her first trimester afraid that something will go awry. She may have suffered a miscarriage in the past and is afraid to share her news. She may want to hold onto the special secret with her significant other for a little while longer. She could want the confirmation of a strong heartbeat and a healthy ultrasound so that she doesn’t have to have her heart break every time someone asks about the baby. She definitely doesn’t want you to find out until she’s ready for you to find out.

So when it comes to asking a woman if she’s pregnant, just don’t.

5 Comments

  1. Natali
    February 24, 2014

    Amen to that. And, just a bonus note: if someone says they can’t get pregnant, “oh, now, you never know!” is not a great answer either. That person has likely been through heck and back trying and if it WERE possible, they’d likely know.

  2. Macarius
    February 24, 2014

    It gets awkward, though, after four or five or six months, when it begins to look obvious … but it *could* just be weight gain, still. At some point, you do have to find out, and if *everyone* knows by that time, she might assume you do, too.

    • juanarto
      February 24, 2014

      Dear Macarius: Gong. (Reread the second one-word sentence. Reread the last sentence. Sheesh!)

  3. Charlie
    February 25, 2014

    Yes yes yes. Love you!

  4. Mary
    February 26, 2014

    Really well put Kim. So many unknowns. I used to be one of those people trying to pry it out of others, until I became the person everyone is trying to pry it out of. I won’t ever be pregnant again. I don’t want a baby now, but I did for many, many years and my husband didn’t. I regret not having more, but life doesn’t continue with regret, so I still struggle daily with our choice; trying to forget that we had the opportunity and trying to find reasons to be thankful for the kids I have. It is especially heart breaking to know that I pestered a woman who was struggling with having a baby. “when are you going to have kids?” “Maybe your prego?” (after she had a bout of the stomach flu) “You need a baby” So hurtful. And I’m so sorry for torturing her. I can never take back those moments, but you better believe I do my best to deflect and protect whenever I can.

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