The Alpha Blonde

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This article was written on 21 Mar 2013, and is filled under Uncategorized.

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The jump to long-term

My fiance and I don’t spend much time apart, the precedent was set months ago when after our first 6 hours away from each other we found we  just couldn’t stand it. And it’s still true for the most part. I’ll text him “I miss you” about 8 times during the work day, he’ll text back about 12 times that he misses me. If I tell you this, please don’t judge too harshly- we even set a “cuddle alarm” at 5:00 AM so that we have ample time to doze while spooning before we have to wake up at 6:30. It’s sickening, really.

We’re on the cusp, however, of new-and-cute and established-and-comfortable.  We’re settling into each other more.  Even though his belongings began tricking in within the first few months, his mail is just now being forwarded to my house- our house- and this weekend the u-haul will be clearing out the remaining boxes and furniture from his old home. In other words, shit just got real.

Beyond that, though, things have gotten to the point where we’re setting our lives up for the long-term.  It’s had me wondering how long the current model can hold strong.  Aside from our workdays it’s all us, all the time. We share a vehicle so there isn’t even the option of arriving home at different times. It works for now, but I’m also someone who revels in independence and alone-time. I haven’t needed it as much in the beginning months of our relationship because it’s been filled with the joy of getting to know each other.  Now I know his BM schedule.

We’re gonna need a bigger boat.

We’re having to work together to usher ourselves into establishing patterns that will work for both of us long-term.  Last night we tearfully talked through the things that have been on our minds (well, he talked rationally, and I blubbered along, soaking my pillow) regarding this move forward on our relationship’s timeline.  I haven’t had a lot of time to do the things I used to do as a single- walking, jogging, reading, knitting, self actualizing.  On my own, I spent hours and hours each week working on myself- cultivating an understanding of how I work and pushing out the negative behaviors. Those hours are now spent on the couch cuddled up watching Cheers- not a bad pastime at all, but markedly lacking in self-esteem boosting exercises or those EFT sessions that saved my soul a few years ago.

He’s changed his routine quite a bit to accommodate our relationship as well. The word “party” doesn’t even enter his vocabulary anymore in present or future tense and his longtime friends are probably wondering what I’ve done to him. We drink ginger ale or club soda with lime at home.  We both used to be a fixture in our social circles, never missing a free beer or a good band, or a bad one for that matter.  Now we’re in bed by 9:30.  He feels like he’s constantly cleaning our house.  Which he is.  I’m a mess and have always been, but even I’ve started using napkins with some regularity since we started dating.

It was a good conversation to have of identifying the things that we need to retain to keep our relationship on track.  The cuddle alarm being the number one example here of what to retain, and the things we need to start integrating into our routines- naptime on Saturday for him, regular scheduled time to myself to work on personal projects.

We’re at the precipice here, and we’re choosing to jump together into the scary but exciting new experience of old-hat.

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